So every morning I get off the train and start my 20 minute walk to work, and there’s this guy who’s always like 3 steps ahead of me and always beats me to the street corner bc I get stopped by the light and he passes it. but today I was ahead of him for the first time and he RUNS in front of me, turns around and goes “I’ve been winning for 2 months now, can’t stop now, have a good day, see you tomorrow.” tmrw I swear i’m wearing running shoes to work.
Gordon Ramsay only has two emotions
- I’M ONLY TRYING TO FUCKING HELP YOU SO FUCKING LISTEN!
- No no shhhh I was only trying to help please don’t cry.
This will never not be funny.
a hero for the ages
”high school dance?”
hello bone marrow and chicken stew and tummy tuck and laxative and clutching your skin as if it was poison hello rocky inner teeth
flight-or-flight and strung wire, you are
coughing up the lunch your mother made you and
you’re champagne drunk and posing in pictures with absolute control, hand on hip, arms at wide angles, smile as if you are a tuned harp instead of an accident waiting to happen, smile as if you’ve only ever tasted good food and warm stomachs
teeter-heels, small dress, hands that fumble for the lightswitch before they get to his pants.
you are sick nights, weak moonlight, you are counting how many bridges you can set alight in one fell swoop, you are jaundice nobody seems to notice even if they can see right through you
you are small notes at the bottom of your paper: don’t eat, you will
hate yourself later
liquor bottle clutched in little fist. you are the plague horse. your breath gives it away.
inside you are rotting.
everybody knows and no one says anything.
bad voices, bad night, bad life. bad brain allergic to back fat. you want to dig worm fingers into clay skin, come up with ugly roots, you want to let the desert sand erase you.
but your waver-heart still beats, however weak. some part of you holds on. some part of you still dreams.
you could be firefly, you could be midnight star, you could fight this whole thing off.
hello, unbroken stalactite crystals of a body like a cave. hello visions of mother’s sugar cookies and cupcake icing, hello shaky hands folding in prayer, hello soft haybales and full breath and daisy chains
no you may not be okay,
but for what it’s worth,
tonight, you will stay.
i am 0% the person i was three years ago and i would probably get in a fight with 2011 me
i follow 338 humor blogs and my dash is still dead how is this even possible
literally same, but i followed David a few days ago and now its pretty active. he is super nice too.
thanks so much i just followed him! his blog is so good i dont think ill ever unfollow
do you people get paid for this
what kinda online cult circle jerk is this….